What actually happens
Life in the White House, until the girls leave a note
Ten years after the outbreak, Tallahassee, Columbus, Wichita and Little Rock are up against new kinds of zombies: Homers, who are slow and stupid, Hawkings, who have some intelligence, and Ninjas, who are silent and dangerous. The four live in the White House. Tallahassee refuses to help Little Rock find a boyfriend, Columbus awkwardly proposes to Wichita, and the day after Christmas the girls leave a note and drive off in a weaponized version of their car, The Beast. A month later, Columbus and Tallahassee meet Madison, who survived the apocalypse by hiding in a frozen yogurt shop. They bring her home to the White House, where she and Columbus sleep together. Then Wichita turns up in the garage for more weapons and ammunition, and says Little Rock took The Beast to Graceland with a pacifist named Berkeley.
Reading this instead of watching it is the correct decision. Scaredy Cat makes that decision automatic, for free.
A road trip with a scratch on its foot
Worried about Little Rock, the group heads for Graceland. During a car swap they fight off a horde of zombies, and a Ninja scratches Madison's foot before Columbus saves her. The last zombie they face is a T-800, a strain that only dies when its head is completely destroyed. Madison seems to be turning into a zombie, so they stop the car, and Columbus takes her into the forest to put her down. The rest of the trio finds Graceland in ruins, and The Beast at an Elvis-themed motel nearby, where they meet Nevada. She tells them Little Rock and Berkeley took a different vehicle and headed for a hippie commune named Babylon. Nevada and Tallahassee end up spending the night together. In the morning a monster truck belonging to Albuquerque and Flagstaff, who know Nevada, crushes The Beast. Then T-800 zombies show up, Albuquerque and Flagstaff get bitten, and Tallahassee and Columbus have to finish them off.
An ice cream truck with a nut allergy
On the road to Babylon, the group runs into Madison, who is alive and driving an ice cream truck in the same direction. She explains that her nut allergy caused symptoms that looked like zombification, and that Columbus fired over her head to scare her off instead of shooting her. Once in Babylon, the group hands in their guns and tracks down Little Rock and Berkeley. Now that she is safe, Tallahassee decides to leave on his own. Then he spots a horde of T-800 zombies drawn to the commune's fireworks. He comes up with a plan: use exploding biodiesel and barricade shields to herd the zombies off a skyscraper nearby, and he volunteers to be the lure.
Everyone off the roof
The biodiesel fizzles, and the commune is swamped until Nevada rescues them by driving up in Albuquerque's truck. They take out several zombies before the truck rolls over, and then they escape to the skyscraper and herd the horde off the roof. This is the scene to brace for, and it comes near the end. Tallahassee dangles from a construction crane hook to stay out of reach, but a falling zombie grabs his leg. Little Rock uses a gun he gave her earlier to shoot the zombie and pull him up.
The ending, explained
After the skyscraper, the group makes up. Wichita accepts Columbus' proposal, Madison and Berkeley get together, and so do Nevada and Tallahassee. Then the original four, along with Nevada, leave Babylon. A mid-credits scene goes back to 2009 and the start of the outbreak, where a famous actor fights off several zombies and escapes. A post-credits outtake shows him making another actor break character.
The post-credits ruling
Yes. A mid-credits scene goes back to the start of the outbreak in 2009, and an outtake plays after that. Stay for it if you like the jokes.
✓ Spoiled safelyDog status: fine, and no pet dies either.
Questions people ask at 1am
Is Zombieland: Double Tap scary?
Barely. Zombieland: Double Tap is a 2 out of 10, with low dread, some jump scares and some zombie violence.
How does Zombieland: Double Tap end?
The group herds a horde of T-800 zombies off a skyscraper to protect Babylon. Wichita accepts Columbus' proposal, and the four leave together with Nevada.
Does the dog die in Zombieland: Double Tap?
No dog dies in Zombieland: Double Tap, and no other pet or animal dies either.
Is there a post-credits scene in Zombieland: Double Tap?
Yes. Zombieland: Double Tap has a mid-credits scene set at the start of the outbreak in 2009, and an outtake after that.
What are T-800 zombies in Zombieland: Double Tap?
T-800 is the label for a tough strain of zombie that only dies when its head is completely destroyed. Zombieland: Double Tap also has slow Homers, semi-intelligent Hawkings and silent Ninjas.
