Is Zombieland Scary? The Verdict and the Whole Plot
Barely, 3 out of 10. It's a road-trip comedy that has zombies in it and a few jump scares.
🐱THE SCARE SIGNAL
SCARE SCORE
3 /10
🐱🐱🐱🐱🐱🐱🐱🐱🐱🐱
DREAD LEVEL
Low
Gone when the credits roll, apart from one clown.
DOG
Dog: fine
fine, no dog dies.
Ruling: Watch it with friends and snacks. Columbus has a rule for nearly everything, and fear is mostly covered.
Zombieland runs 88 minutes. A nervous student with a list of survival rules shares a road trip with a man who misses his puppy and two con artist sisters. They all go by the names of cities, so nobody has to remember anyone's real name.
The premise, briefly
After a mutated strain of mad cow disease turns most people into zombies, a nervous college student gets a ride from a stranger, meets two con artist sisters, and they head to an amusement park.
How much do you want to know?
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The verdict above is spoiler-free. Everything below, including the ending, stays hidden until you pick a depth.
🐱CUT TO THE CHASE
How it ends
The four survivors make it out of the Pacific Playland amusement park together after the zombies swarm it. Wichita tells Columbus her real name, and they agree to stay a group from now on.
The scene you're dreading
The Pacific Playland finale, near the end: the sisters switch on the rides and lights, which draws a crowd of zombies, and the girls get stuck on a drop tower while Columbus shoots his way through to them. They all get down safely.
The dog
No dog dies in Zombieland. Tallahassee talks about a puppy named Buck, but Buck turns out to be his son.
It is a comedy with some gunfire and a handful of jump scares, and the group is in better shape at the end than they were at the start.
THE SHORT VERSION IS HIDDEN
How it ends, the scene you're dreading, what happens to the dog, and the bottom line. About twenty seconds to read.
What actually happens
Rules for a very short list of survivors
Two months after mad cow disease mutates, jumps to humans and turns them into zombies, the survivors have a custom of using the name of their home city as a nickname, so they never get attached to anyone. Columbus, a former college student with a list of survival rules, is traveling from Austin, Texas to Columbus, Ohio to find his parents. He meets Tallahassee, who grudgingly gives him a ride in an armored Escalade. Along the way Tallahassee mentions that he misses his puppy, Buck, who was killed by zombies.
The pair meet Wichita and Little Rock, a pair of sisters who run cons for a living. Little Rock pretends to have been bitten by a zombie, and the sisters use the trick to steal the men's weapons and their truck. Columbus and Tallahassee find a yellow Hummer H2 full of weapons and carry on, only to walk into a second trap set by the sisters, who take them hostage. Tallahassee takes his gun back and points it at Wichita until Columbus points out that the zombies are a bigger problem. The four reach an uneasy truce.
A stop at Bill Murray's house
The sisters say they are heading for Pacific Playland, an amusement park in Los Angeles that is supposedly free of zombies. Columbus learns that his hometown is in ruins and his parents probably did not make it, so he and Tallahassee decide to go along. In Hollywood, Tallahassee takes everyone to Bill Murray's house. Murray is alive and has been disguised as a zombie. Tallahassee and Wichita play a prank on Columbus and Little Rock by having Murray pretend to be a zombie, and Columbus accidentally kills him. Later, over a game of Monopoly, Columbus works out that Buck was never a puppy. Buck was Tallahassee's son, who was infected and died.
Rides on, lights on, zombies on the way
Wichita and Columbus have started to like each other, but Wichita still leaves for Pacific Playland the next morning with Little Rock. Columbus goes after her and talks Tallahassee into coming. At the park the sisters switch on every ride and light, which draws in many of the zombies nearby. They end up stuck on a drop tower. Tallahassee draws the zombies toward a game booth and shoots several of them. Meanwhile Columbus fights through the horde and gets the girls down safely. Everyone in the group gets out of it alive.
The ending, explained
Wichita kisses Columbus and tells him her real name is Krista. All four decide to stay together from now on and leave Pacific Playland as a group. Columbus's hometown has been destroyed and his parents are probably dead. Tallahassee has lost his son Buck, whom he called a puppy, and Bill Murray is dead because of a prank that went wrong. Columbus, Tallahassee, Wichita and Little Rock are all still alive.
The post-credits ruling
There is a scene after the credits, so stay seated for a bit.
✓ Spoiled safelyDog status: fine, no dog dies.
Questions people ask at 1am
Is Zombieland scary?
Zombieland is a 3 out of 10 with low dread. It is a comedy with a few jump scares, some zombie attacks and the fear gone when the credits roll.
How does Zombieland end?
Columbus, Tallahassee, Wichita and Little Rock survive the zombie crowd at the Pacific Playland amusement park. Wichita tells Columbus her real name, and the four of them leave together.
Does the dog die in Zombieland?
No dog dies in Zombieland. Tallahassee says zombies killed his puppy, Buck, but Buck turns out to be his human son.
Is there a post-credits scene in Zombieland?
Yes. Zombieland has a scene after the credits, so stay in your seat once the credits begin.
Why do the characters in Zombieland call each other by city names?
In Zombieland the survivors use the name of their city of origin as a nickname when they meet, so they do not get attached to each other. That is why Columbus, Tallahassee, Wichita and Little Rock have no other names for most of the movie.
BLURRED FOR YOUR PROTECTION
The whole plot of Zombieland is hidden, ending included. It stays that way until you ask.
Zombieland is eighty-eight minutes of people who are bad at trusting each other. Install Scaredy Cat and it will blur the trailers while you read the plot.
