What actually happens
A delivery with no tip and a coven
Sam Craft is on her first day as a pizza delivery girl, and nobody is tipping her. She gets a delivery to a mansion in Mill Basin, where Gary Neumieir also refuses to tip. She needs gas money, so she walks into the house to demand the tip and interrupts a secret meeting of the satanic coven that Danica Ross runs. Gary and his wife Gypsy are members, and the group captures Sam once they find out she is a virgin. Sam wakes up held with Danica's husband Samuel, who explains that the coven wants to summon Baphomet and needs a virgin's womb to do it. He tries to sexually assault Sam, claiming this would save them both. She fights him off, and he accidentally shoots himself with his own gun while she escapes.
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Babysitters with a drill
Sam runs to a neighboring mansion, where a babysitter named Kristen opens the door and seems to want to help. She turns out to be working with the coven. Upstairs, Kristen's sister Michelle attacks Sam with a drill attached to a strap-on. Sam dodges, and Michelle accidentally impales her own sister, then electrocutes herself when the drill hits wiring in the wall. Sam then hears someone calling for help in a bedroom and finds Judi Ross, Danica's daughter, tied to the bed. The coven had planned to sacrifice Judi, but she had sex to avoid it, so Danica ordered her killed instead. Sam frees her and calls 911, which routes straight to the coven, so the two of them run again.
A cloak made from a husband's heart
Danica builds a haxan cloak creature out of her dead husband's heart to catch Sam, and Sam gets away from it with Judi's help. Gypsy starts questioning Danica's leadership, and the rest of the coven takes Gypsy's side. Danica lets Gypsy try to curse Judi from a distance, but Judi knows witchcraft and, with Sam's help, wards the curse off. Gypsy confronts Danica for teaching her daughter that protection. Another coven member then drives a spike into Danica's head, apparently ending her. The coven goes off to look for Sam, and Danica revives herself. She reads the entrails of a man she kills, learns where Sam and Judi are, and captures them both.
An altar in the backyard
This is the scene to brace for, near the end. Sam and Judi wake up tied to an altar in Danica's backyard, with the whole coven around them. Danica is back in charge, and she uses a spell to drown Gypsy. Gypsy's body breaks the circle of salt that was supposed to protect the ritual, and the summoning starts. Baphomet impregnates Sam, who breaks loose, holds a knife to her own belly, and demands that the coven release Judi. Danica slashes Judi's throat instead, and Judi dies. The ritual goes wrong after that, and Sam survives it.
The ending, explained
Sam goes into labor and calms herself with a "two fuzzy bunnies" mantra. She gives birth to two bunnies, and the coven, which was expecting a demon, is stunned. Then the yard empties of coven members. Samaziel appears as a little girl and explains that it outranks Baphomet and is furious that nobody worshiped it. Gypsy's broken salt line let it in to wreck the ritual. Sam talks Samaziel into sparing her, the coven reappears, Danica is beheaded while Samaziel laughs, and the other coven members start choking to death. One bunny is dead. Sam takes the other, escapes on her Vespa, and tells her boss she is moving to Australia. She names the surviving bunny Judi Junior.
The post-credits ruling
Nobody has confirmed whether there is a scene after the credits, so staying through them is your call.
✓ Spoiled safelyDog status: fine, though viewers report a dead dog hanging from a tree.
Questions people ask at 1am
Is Satanic Panic scary?
Barely. Satanic Panic is a 3 out of 10: a horror comedy with a few jump scares and a lot of gore, mostly played for laughs. The dread is low and gone when the credits roll.
How does Satanic Panic end?
A demon named Samaziel wrecks the ritual, Danica is beheaded and the coven chokes. Judi is dead, and Sam escapes on her Vespa with one of the two bunnies she gave birth to.
Does the dog die in Satanic Panic?
Satanic Panic never shows a dog dying, but viewers report a large, realistic dead dog hanging by its feet from a tree. A demon child also eats a rabbit, and you can hear it squealing.
Is there a post-credits scene in Satanic Panic?
Nobody has confirmed whether Satanic Panic has a scene after the credits, so you may want to stay for a minute to be sure.
Who is Samaziel in Satanic Panic?
A demon who shows up as a little girl and ranks higher than Baphomet. In Satanic Panic it enters the ritual because Gypsy's death broke the salt line, and it is angry that the coven never worshiped it.
